Tag Archives: feminism

The Weight Of It All

I think the complexity of it — it being the effect of men on women, their weight and influence on our very existence — scares a lot of women from engaging in the conversation. We view our existence and our lives as our own; our ownership, our choices, our paths. But what if it’s not as simple as that? It’s much simpler to view it in black and white and peg us (females/feminists) as women who care too much/give a damn/make excuses/whatever. I wish women could be enthralled by the idea of diminishing the sexism and roadblocks, instead of being scared by it (it’s easier not to care, though). With the advent of sexism in the workplace and in daily life, I can only hope more and more women can be awakened to the barriers being placed on women. The weight of it all is real. The influence and weight men place on women is heavy and felt.

I’ve been networking the last few months, in preparation to begin a transition from current job into a new field. I made the decision earlier this summer to stop networking with men. It seems a brute and harsh reaction, but networking with men only led to not being taken seriously, connections not being made, and instead an offer to buy me drinks at another date, in perhaps a more “casual setting” (read: take me on a date). This happened to me and several other female friends, who all decided to refrain from networking with the opposite gender. What does it take to be taken seriously? We are all successful and driven; we even made a point to not wear tight-fitting clothes to these networking meetings. Though at the end, we were nothing more than a pretty face.

Though, what about how we women relate to each other? So often the first connection women make is whether or not they have a (male) partner. Half of the conversation is then spent comparing and contrasting experiences with males, with the important characteristics and facts about ourselves being saved for later. Why are men such a defining part of female existence?

Men continue to influence female workplace dress. Prior to interviews with men, I would agonize over what to wear. Would one dress emphasize my hips too much, in a manner that may be “suggestive”? What about a dress that hugged my curves and flaunted my figure? Would a pencil skirt imply I wanted to be fucked? In the end, I always choose clothes that fit somewhat loosely and give only an inkling of a figure underneath. I feel safer being bland and nondescript than being assessed on an underlying sexuality.

How much should we care? How much can be done? Earlier this week, I told a supervisor whom I admire and we have often had many a great talk about feminism, sexism in the work place, etc., that a client made a comment about my “pretty face”. I felt at great unease from this comment and was instantly distraught at the thought of my work being thought of as different, as attached to my body rather than my intellect and follow through. She essentially replied that I shouldn’t fuss/sweat it too much, since worse comments could have been made. Though I realize this is true, I was crushed at the fact that this woman, who has shattered many a glass ceiling in her day (hate that phrase, but it’s true in her case), could dismay my discomfort.

As a mental side project, started tallying how many times per day I’m catcalled on my 1/2 mile walk to and fro the public transit station I frequent for work. It’s disheartening, but telling. I’ve also made notes of whether the drivers are in vehicles that are clearly marked as part of a company, etc. I’ve often wanted to call these businesses and complain, but again, have feared the roadblock of a dissent manager getting in my way to do so. Despite often starting my day with such an upsetting experience, I’d rather brush it off and get on with my day than acknowledge it and have it be disregarded by someone who didn’t experience the tragedy of that moment.

A person very close to me, who is highly successful in a field in which men reign, hates the idea of feminism and all that goes along with it. She doesn’t see the point. She kept her mouth shut, did the work, and laid low to rise up. Why can’t we (again, feminists) do the same? It’s easier to assume instead of understand, and the sadness of that is difficult to bear.

The issue at hand is complex. In fact, there are many issues at hand. It’s more complex than it’s often given credit for (outside of liberal media, that is). The difficulty lies in the notion of getting people to feel that the idea is not “not complex”. There is weight and matters to be sorted through here, divided into layers and split up amongst their fixings.

The point, at the end of it all, is to have the voice be heard and the weight felt. To know that we don’t have to be silent, but that we can kick and cry and scream to move ourselves ahead if we need to. That we don’t need to mold into what is expected of us nor refrain from speaking our truths. We need not be discouraged. Hope is brewing, simmering, and rising.

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You’re A Hypocrite, I’m A Hypocrite, We’re All Hypocrites


When we think of the word “hypocrite”, our minds automatically go negative. I would like to challenge that.

I am being a hypocrite as I write this because I have definitely called folks hypocrites in a negative light in the past. The point of this article is not that people should have no values and show no principle; my point is that the possibility of hypocrisy should not prevent us from speaking out or evolving in different ways.

The first time I began to think about hypocrisy in a more nuanced manner was regarding the Orthodox Jewish Community. I found myself calling various individuals in this community hypocrites; some of this had to do with treatment I had experienced regarding gender, my status as a non-Orthodox Jew and other disagreements I saw as value-based. Orthodox Jews are extremely visible in their values and therefore it is easier to see hypocrisy. We see their values in their following of Halakha (Jewish law) and often in the way individuals dress. This led me to a realization that those who put their beliefs and values out there in a very public way will always be hypocrites.

We live in a complicated world. Chances are you are pulled several different directions each and every day. And chances are every day you do not react the same way. Sometimes I call out the racist comment I overhear, other times I might not. Should I always say something? Probably, but the fact that I might not every single time does not automatically discredit when I do speak up.

When we get so caught up in the consistencies of our actions, it can be debilitating. We are not perfect; we are evolving creatures. This idea that we are 100% authentic everyday is ludicrous. I do not think the exact same way today as I did a week ago, maybe even an hour ago.

None of this is to say we are not accountable for our actions and should not act on principle. Hell, I will continue to get mad when I see dudes call themselves feminists and then exert extremely sexist behavior. The hypocrisy of this is infuriating.

It is inevitable though that we will be hypocrites in our life.

Human characteristics that I admire most are courage and the willingness to place oneself in an uncomfortable situation. This means individuals who share their opinions in public spaces and doing so is a risk. People are going to remember a bold statement; they are going to remember when someone pushes back. And eventually, that person expressing their opinion is probably going to do something that slightly disagrees or is perceived as being inconsistent with the sentiment that was just put forward.

In regards to feminism, when an exact definition of feminism is explained as THE definition, it can lead to a bit of policing. You are a feminist if you do “x” but NOT if you do “y.” Let’s not do that. If someone is bashing women for having sex, yeah I would argue that this is anti-feminist but if a woman is out at a bar and she moves her hips to a song that is less than respectful to women, there should not be a feminist secret camera watching this individual and monitoring their behavior for hypocrisy. And when I say camera, I mean that figuratively. Guilt can eat inside us if we feel that we are not perfectly aligning with our political beliefs. When we live in a world that is so incredibly unjust, we have to participate in it at times. I call myself anti-capitalist but I still need to make money and pay rent. There is a balance between living out our beliefs and also recognizing that our actions are at times going to be inconsistent with those beliefs.

My advice. Be principled but also know that you will be a hypocrite because that is what living looks like, especially when you are willing to take a risk in a public manner and be a leader.


Written by Sarah Brammer-Shlay 

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What’s in a Hero? Wendy. Davis.

Wendy Hero ReThink History: Hero Project

If you don’t know Wendy Davis, here’s the scoop. In my opinion she’s about as BA as it gets. She’s a democratic politician running for governor in the most notoriously red state in the country – Texas. Not to mention, she’s a woman. That alone takes an enormous amount of moxie (new fav word) and determination, and still it doesn’t even scratch the surface.

To her supporters and fans she may be a lot of things: a rags to riches success story, a ray of hope for Texas democrats, an abortion clinic guardian, a Harvard alumni lawyer and, of course, mom. The list could go on, however, what tends to be missing is the title Hero. So, what’s in a Hero?

☑ People who become heroes tend to be concerned with the well-being of others.

☑ Heroes are good at seeing things from the perspective of others.

☑ Heroes are competent and confident.

☑ Heroes have a strong moral compass.

☑ Having the right skills and training can make a difference.

☑ Heroes persist, even in the face of fear.


She more than fulfills every requirement on typical qualities of a hero (spare you the details) except for the tacit and most basic of them all. Everyone knows a hero is a man. And not just any man, a strong, self-sacrificing man with a furrowed brow and a disciplined mind, ready to rescue the helpless, the unfortunate and the women.

Our image of who should be powerful and heroic extends beyond conceptual ideas and has very real consequences for Wendy and her campaign. For example, the majority of the oppositions attacks are not on her political stance, but her personal life and backstory. She’s not traditional enough, she didn’t even struggle that much, she abandoned her family, she didn’t dedicate every waking moment to her children while she was at Harvard law school… and so on.

A man going pursuing a degree in another state while the wife stays back with the kids is seen as a necessary sacrifice. A woman doing the same is seen as a unjustifiable atrocity. A male politician’s home life is barely acknowledged in most cases, while a female politician must be prepared to reveal and defend even the most irrelevant, personal details of her life.

Anyway, the election will be this November and I have no idea what to expect. I do know that the republican candidate Greg Abbott is outrageous and of course wants to cut pre-K education for only minorities, plans to vote against the equal pay act, continue the abortion clinic destruction and the usual. I 100% support Wendy in doing just the opposite.

#TeamWendy 4life

Check out the website: http://www.wendydavistexas.com/


and tell your friends!

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ReThink History Project

Introducing the ReThink History Project:

From the moment that individuals are introduced to structures and individuals in ‘power’, there is an underlying systemic bias towards white individuals. The history of our country cannot be discussed without first addressing the historical trauma that colonialism has imposed on individuals of color within the boundaries of the United States, and beyond. Iris Young discusses the five faces of oppression as: exploitation, marginalization, powerlessness, cultural imperialism, and violence.  The main oppressive event that everyone’s mind jumps to is slavery. While slavery was not just taking place in the U.S., it has greatly shaped how our country developed policies and laws that may still be in place today. Not only have our political institutions been formed under this social construction of ‘whiteness’, but so has popular media, the entire academic system, and the cycle of socialization in our world.

In Winston Churchill’s 1946 Iron Curtain speech he addresses the all-too-often-phenomena of history being written by the victors. Our stories and our history should never be forgotten, yet so often there are individuals whom have made powerful changes in the United States, whose stories and names remain out of our history curricula and classrooms. In her TedTalks speech, Chimamanda Adichie speaks to “the danger of a single story” representing an entire group of people. The true American dream of a ‘Land of Opportunity’ has been lost.

Through the ReThink History project we aim to bring light to those individuals not recognized in our history textbooks, or discussed in the standard classroom setting – yet should never be forgotten.  We believe taking an honest look at the past and questioning the normal history narrative can help everyone understand, and improve, our world.  We would like to acknowledge the many different lenses and approaches that could be taken for this history project, yet we choose to specially focus on female identified individuals. Through this project we will post on Thursdays, around topics relating to this subject matter, in order to help us all become more educated on our past and present.

If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask either in the comments section below or through personal email: rethinkhistoryproject@gmail.com

Please take a look at the first project we will be leading:

Redefining Hero

Words—an interlocking web of significance. Life is breathed into an idea through them. With the power that a single utterance can provide, we began to think, “What does “hero” mean?  This word has worn many faces. A great uncle who beat cancer, a next-door-neighbor who volunteered abroad, a famous deep-sea diver—the list is endless. With this in mind, we wondered, “What is the commonly assumed embodiment of a hero?” “What is the stereotype?” “What is the definition of a hero.” According to Oxford Dictionary:



noun: hero; plural noun: heroes;

”A person, typically male, who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.”

We are curious if this one-dimensional depiction of what a “hero” is limits the exposure of other important heroes. Throughout history, white males have been featured in many positions of power, and thus have been seen as heroes. Undeniably, there are countless white men who have done great things in this world. However, the way our media, textbooks, and cultural perpetuation shape our understanding of what it has meant and what it means now to be a “hero” often confines our perspectives to one narrative.

So, we are interested.

  • How do you define “a hero?”
  • Who inspires you?
  • Who is your hero?

We are hopeful that this project will bring awareness and exposure to many different types of heroes.

By submitting your story, you can add to a collection that will be un-uniformed and undefined. We are very excited to see the submissions! They can be submitted in the form of:

  • Written response: The length is subjective, however, the more concise you can be, the better!

  • Video response: A short clip can be submitted to the e-mail address provided.

  • In person video recording with our team: We will be conducting short video recordings at the U of M campus.

E-Mail Address: Rethinkhistoryproject@gmail.com

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“We Are Not Only a Mouth and Luring Siren We Are the Women”

Lately when things have been feeling a little gloomy or when my body and my mind has been feeling unambitious, I’ve been turning to reading poetry, listening to rap and hip-hop (with a conscious message) or watching spoken word for that extra motivation and wisdom.
It’s compelling because poetry and spoken word have typically been a world for me untouched and unexplored. I have always appreciated, been more than curious, and admired the powerful individuals inside it. With their booming voices and insightful word choices, whether their content be delivered through pencil or mouth, paint brush or spray can, rapping or singing, sign language or Spanish, I’ve always been curious.   When it comes to the message and the content they are spitting it’s okay to agree and disagree, for I’ve always loved to question and to be questioned. The beautiful thing about art is there isn’t a way to “do” poetry, to “do” spoken word, to “do” art. Yet despite my long lasting envy, there was a part of me buried under my insecurities that did not feel like this world of poetry was my territory, even if it was in my own bedroom.
But lately… I’m all up in that territory and I’m not gonna lie that shit feels great and I’ve never felt more inspired.
So a few weeks ago, when I was having a… we can call it one of my “unmotivated moments”  lying in bed, slowly eating ice cream, I stumbled upon this spoken word piece called, “Khaleesi,” by Tonya Ingram and Venessa Marco. (and sorry no Game of Thorn Fans this piece is not about that Khaleesi). But this piece, these two women really blew me away. Every day since I first saw it, I’ve watched it for motivation because as weird as it sounds, I’ve been spending a lot of time discovering my voice and how I want to be heard, even if it is scary.
My two favorite verses from this are:
“we are not only a mouth and luring siren
we are the women
who dare think of ourselves as more than a fuck
when we lend our thoughts to breath
we know often
we are speaking the words that will kill us
for we are then called
never a voice
just static sound”
I really also like the ending verse:
“This is our birthright
this is our inherit
we are women who capsize entire crowds
with the sayings of the wind
holy knuckles
of fight.”

So what or who has been motivating you lately? I would love to hear from you, even if you just post the link in the comments below!

pssst. other RLA’ers love spoken word and poetry too and hey, some of them even spit themselves (let me take you back in time and you can check out what they are writin’ or lovin’):







Just some Friday Fun Links that highlight spoken word pieces or poetry:






Also not only shout out times a million to  Tonya Ingram and  Venessa Marco.  but also Button Poetry (where I found this link). Button Poetry is a  Minnesota-based organization dedicated to improving the quality of performance poetry media. 

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Interview with Caroline Smith: “Half About Being A Woman” Tour

A few months back we published a spotlight piece and album review of Caroline Smith’s latest album, “Half About Being A Woman.” Caroline is currently on tour and graciously took the time to answer a few questions for us. Read her interview below and make sure to see her when she comes to your city! I’ll be at the Virginia/DC show at Jammin’ Java on February 27, hope to see some of you readers there.

Caroline Smith performing with Minneapolis rapper Lizzo at First Ave. (Photo courtesy of Goodnightsleeps Instagram)

Caroline Smith performing with Minneapolis rapper Lizzo at First Ave. (Photo courtesy of Goodnightsleeps Instagram)

SBS: First off thank you so much for chatting with us! We’re huge fans of the new album, “Half About Being A Woman.” I’d love to start off by asking how people have reacted to this album and your experience since its release.

CS: People have reacted very positively! Which is a relief because I wasn’t sure how it was going to be received; it’s so different than my other records. But this record is the most honest batch of songs I’ve ever written and I think it translates.

This is a very different sound than your last album. Can you talk a little about the genre change? Were there certain artists that pushed you in the direction you are in now?

I just wanted to make a record that I would listen to if it weren’t my own. Pop R&B and neo-soul is essentially all I listen to and grew up with my favorite artists being TLC and Mariah. I just wanted to make a record that reflected my personality a little but more.

How has the Minneapolis music scene built, influenced or supported you? Are there artists that you collaborate with most frequently?

The Minneapolis music scene has been hugely instrumental in where I am able to be as an artist. Getting to be a full-time musician with out a day job is something that I ascribe to the crazy amount of support that my community shows me and other Minneapolis musicians. It’s a truly magical place for struggling artists.

And on the flip side of that leaving Minneapolis to tour the country I imagine is a very different experience. How does it feel taking your music around the country?

After touring for 5 years straight it’s finally getting a little easier. We have places that we really enjoy going and that have adopted us into their music scene. But it’s a long long road with a stinky van full of dudes.

In the last piece I wrote about you, I theorized a bit about your album regarding women and vulnerability, especially in the song “Half About Being A Woman.” What does this album and specifically the title of the album mean to you? 

Thank you for that piece, I loved what you had to say. A lot of this album had to do with being honest with the woman that I am and having the courage to put that out into the world and a huge part of that is reconnecting with your feminine intuition. The line in the song that lends itself to the title of the record is about that: embracing your humility but sticking to your intuition and your truth as a woman. A lot of people have ideas on feminism and a lot of guidelines for being one, and I tend to disagree. I believe that you can lose yourself over a guy and still be a feminist; you can wear make up and be a feminist; you can be a plumber, a doctor, a stay-at-home mom, and play a strong role in feminism; that was something I also wanted to address.

What do you see as the prominent themes of this album and where does that inspiration come from?

I think confidence is a huge theme on this record because I think every woman deserves it and at the very least is entitled to it. The media is so harsh on women not being good enough, skinny enough, blonde enough, and I just got to a point where I was fed up with it and I wanted to help whoever I could, including myself, to find their confidence again. 

Besides music do you use other creative methods to express yourself?

I love to cook. My grandmother writes me letters with new recipes every week and I love to try them out and out a different spin on it. It relaxes my mind and keeps my hands busy.

I saw on your twitter account that you were as excited as me about the latest Beyonce album. Your album explicitly talks about being a woman. Beyonce is talking about feminism. How do you see female artists today addressing the struggles of women in our society and do you feel you have a responsibility to do so?

…I think women have become more and more alienated to the idea of feminism and I think what I was trying to say about feminism to my listeners, Beyonce got to say on a bigger platform and it made me so happy. I think feminism can be associated with anger and impossible guidelines and it can be intimidating. The idea of feminism that I subscribe to is what Beyonce is saying: you can be a stay at home mom with a husband whom you love and be no less of a woman than the woman next to you. Whatever your truth as a woman is, you’re entitled to it. I think you have a responsibility to at least do that and by doing that, you are being a feminist and lending yourself to the woman community.

I’ll be at your concert on Feb 27 at Jammin’ Java in VA. What can folks heading to your shows expect to see on this tour?

We try to show our audiences a good time and we want to send them home smiling and dancing. So you can expect that!

Last question, do you have a favorite song off of “Half About Being A Woman?”

They’re all my babies and I love them equally.

My favorite songs on the new album are “Kind of Man” and “Walking Off Strong.” I am putting in a very strong request for you to play these two 🙂

We’ll see what we can do 😉

Here’s a sneak peek of the awesomeness you’ll experience if you check out one of her upcoming shows:

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Rewriting our Story: Unspeakable Truths

To have a friend is to share truths,
but what if yours are unspeakable truths?

To have a friend means you cannot spread lies,
but what if your life is tangled in lies?

To have a friend means you cannot have secrets,
but what if you have horrible secrets?

To have a friend means you need to get close,
but what if you, your mind and heart are isolated?

To have a friend means a new concept of space,
but what if you have no room?

I lost my friends because of you.
Or was it because I was so consumed in our relationship?

I lost my worldview because of you.
Or was it because of all the lies I had to tell?

I lost my sense in self because of you,
or was it because I held both your and my secrets so tight.

I have many unspeakable truths and they begin long ago,

but the hardest truth is learning to commit to the most important person, myself.

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When Movements Isolate, Not Empower: Let Women Have Their Selfies

A couple days ago Jezebel published a piece, “Selfies Aren’t Empowering. They’re a Cry for Help.” I understand what the author, Erin Gloria Ryan, was trying to say but I could not disagree more with the delivery. The thesis of the article was that selfies reflect the patriarchal idea that women’s value is based on their looks, not intelligence or accomplishments. I agree that the pressure women face regarding our appearance is disgusting and manifests from patriarchy. Selfies are not the problem though and I am appalled by the shaming of women that is going on with this conversation about selfies.

A bit from Ryan’s article:

“In that respect, selfies aren’t expressions of pride, but rather calls for affirmation. In real life, walking up to a stranger, tilting your head downward at a 45-degree angle, duckfacing, pushing your tits together, and screaming “DO YOU THINK I’M PRETTY!” would be summon the authorities.”

Being judged by what we look like should be insignificant in a woman’s life, however it is not. We live in a world where women are put under tremendous pressure to look beautiful all the time, an unrealistic expectation and an expectation rooted in the idea that women are here to be appealing to men. If a woman putting a photo up makes them feel a bit better, let them have that small victory. When women face losses and hate everyday, it is the small victories that get us through.

Personally, I used to hide from taking pictures of myself alone and posting them on any social media platform. I did that because of insecurities, not the other way around. Several months ago I actually pushed myself to post a photo of just my face on Instagram. I was proud of myself. I was comfortable enough in my own skin to say, “hey here’s what I look like and I like it!” That was empowering for me as an individual. My own individual empowerment can lead to the building of a more just society. It is difficult to create a world where marginalized individuals are empowered when we ourselves do not feel empowered enough. If other feminists shame women for feeling empowered in a way that is seemingly small, that only isolates people from this movement.

Every time we walk out of the house we face shame as women. The moment I wake up I do not feel pretty enough, smart enough, articulate enough, you name it enough to be successful in this world. I do not need now to be shamed for posting a picture of myself on the Internet.

My ideal of a feminist society is a place where all humans are empowered. When we type away at our computers shaming women for something that empowers them even for a few moments we are moving toward a movement of isolation. This is especially true for groups of women who face immense amounts of unique shame based in racism, classism, ableism, homophobia and other forms of oppression. If a woman just worked a 10-hour shift, making minimum wage and wants to post a photo of herself on Instagram, maybe that is her personal form of self-care and a pretty darn healthy one at that.

I found this article so infuriating because it targeted women in an extremely condescending and shaming matter. I do not want a feminist movement that shames and manipulates women into feeling their actions are anti-feminist. We have enough shame in our day to day.

I want a movement of empowerment and radical acceptance. We need a movement that acknowledges that most aspects of our lives are rooted in oppressive power dynamics and sometimes we must find the moments of happiness and security within that harsh reality of a world.

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3 Songs About Domestic Violence You Should Know


It is no longer Domestic Violence Awareness Month but we need to still be just as aware.

My ITunes was playing in the background the other day when Luka by Suzanne Vega began to play. Although I have always loved it, not until I was older did I truly listen to the lyrics of this piece. In its peppy and beautiful demeanor it tells the heart-wrenching story of a woman who is in an abusive relationship. The story reflects the reality of many individuals facing abuse in their physical or emotional home, the reality of living in a “fish bowl” as Lexis Manzara put it; the reality of creating a new identity to diminish the pain one is facing. I want to see a world free of this pain; that is my dream.

Vega’s piece inspired me to reflect on other songs that tell the stories of domestic violence. Check out the songs below by Suzzane Vega, Eve and Dessa.  I am sure there are more to add, please share them in the comment section and please continue to tell the stories of those who have experienced abuse.

By keeping things “private” we only continue to silence and normalize these stories. Violence is not and should never be normal. And with all that said, survivors must tell these stories in a way comfortable and empowering to them.

Luka- Suzanne Vega

Suzanne Vega tells the story of a woman who tirelessly works to cover up the abuse she is experiencing. “Luka”, the narrator, shares her story in a form of conversation.

Love Is Blind-Eve

By discussing how feelings of love and loyalty can freeze individuals, Eve tells the story of her friend whom an abuser murdered. Abuse is manipulative and can be seen in so many layers.


Artful and poetic as she always writes, Dessa tells the story of an individual in an abusive and controlling situation without ever explicitly discussing violence. She tells the story from the perspective of a friend and place of support for the individual.


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Men at the Movies


Photo courtesy of Creative Commons

There is a  spike of movies hitting the big screen this fall that star casts of 60+ men, reliving their youthful glory.  Why the increase in movies featuring former tough guys and beloved legends, is unclear. According to research done on ticket sales for 2011 (the latest research available on the subject), men and women of all ages split total ticket sales. Peers of the actors (men in the same age range) don’t’ frequent the movies as much as their younger counterparts. Perhaps Hollywood is catering to the psyche of young males: “Don’t worry, young man. You can have both an AARP membership and still kick some @$$ and get tail.” With these films, was Hollywood in search of blockbusters or mid-ground sufficiency in between blockbusters? The casts are recognizable and lovable (to male and females), but are ostentatious with their flair of blatant testosterone fever.

Continue reading

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